![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
But at least its raining while the sun's out right now! Hello rainbow!
- Brit Lit essay due next Thursday;
- Geography final next Tuesday;
- Brit Lit final next Thursday;
- 75 AP Chemistry multiple choice questions due next Thursday/Friday;
- 45 AP Calculus multiple choice questions due next Friday;
- AP Calculus test next Wednesday.
THIS GUY.
Yerp. Saundra's showing everyone how to NOT be a good friend. I'm glad I've put up with her for so long. She told me she's gonna be "done with me" if I don't "stop this shit". "This shit" is me telling everyone (who all ready know its the truth) that Saundra doesn't like Steve. She claims to have never said that, which is bullshit because I have three witnesses that say otherwise. Myself making the fourth. She said I need to stop blaimg her for things and need to start "sucking it up and bringing Steve around more". Except, think about it: why would I want to bring someone around when I know two out of our group of friends don't like him? It makes for awkwardness and uncomfort.
So, sure she can be done with me, but around this time, I'm purty much "done with" her, too.
And he's still letting me take a break. I've told him there's things I need to still sort through and that I'm afraid things are going to revert back to how they were, so I just need this time to myself. And he's actually abiding by that, which I really appreciate.
The hard thing is going to tell my friends that me and Steve are on good terms again. They don't like him. But they need to understand that we're still not back together, but we will be as soon as I'm ready. They need to understand that I'm still thinking things through, and not judge me for my decision and just be supportive.
I feel pathetic. I don't want to be broken up anymore. I want to be with Steve. But I don't want to give into our "break up" so soon because I feel like I need this time to figure out things between us. I know I want to be with him. I just don't want to be with him right now.
And I feel even worse because I feel like I'm tugging Steve along for the ride and he doesn't deserve that or need that or need to put up with that. I don't want him to hate me.
This is hard and I really hate all of it.
So glad I knew ye.
I've been able to avoid drama for the past 17 years. And now its all culminating in my Senior year. Gurreat. FML. I hate drama. I avoid it by not confronting people. And if it continues, I cut the people out of my life. Plain and simple. I've done it a couple times this year all ready and I'm so not afraid to make a bigger cut.
Does that make me a horrible person? Or am I just looking out for myself? But then, isn't that too selfish?
Yesterday I got a call from my mom while I was helping Steve with his Geodesic (sp??) Dome project. It was my mom, in tears, calling to tell me that Denison had given me nearly 10,000 more dollars to go to their school. I started crying, too! It was a happy happy moment. As soon as I hung up with my mom, I called Megan. Now she acted how a true friend should. "AHHHHH! I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOOOU!"
Well last night I went to a party with my friends. I told the room at large about how Denison had essentially given my a full ride. I said it excitedly, expecting a reaction. What was I thinking? AJ was the only one who said anything, and even then, it was a small, insignificant, "Congrats." Stephanie just looked at me, Saundra continued talking to her friend Mia. And Amber and Charlotte...well I don't even know what they were doing.
It really disheartened me and made me feel like my friends don't care. And it sucks even more, because I know I reacted the way Megan did for me when Stephanie called me to tell me she got into Westminster. I know for a fact I'm always happy when something good happens to my friends. And now it seems like they don't care enough to acknowledge that I'm happy.
Really, I'm so glad my friends suck balls sometimes.
*BF4E--bad friends forever.
My life has been halted for some unbeknowest reason.
Nuttin new is happening. Everything has been resorted to a stale cycle. I need to do something to spice things up. I need to change my routine, for crissakes.
The weather's being bipolar.
My room is getting messier and messier.
"Nancy" from Denison keeps sending me random shit. I'm keeping it all.
I GOT MY DENISON ACCEPTANCE LETTER TODAY!!!
THEY GAVE ME A $17,000 SCHOLARSHIP.
I CALLED EVERYONE I KNEW AND GUSHED WITH HAPPINESS.
My mom wants to take me out to dinner tonight, but I have Chemistry to do and a critical response paper to write for Brit Lit. Ew.
After work, I picked up Saundra, Tyler, Stephanie, and Charlotte and we met up with AJ and Erica to go bowling. I think I managed a 55? Wii bowling so does not help. It actually gives you a false sense of confidence.
From bowling, we went to Denny's because we couldn't think of anything else to do. We chat chitted, laughed...Steph scored a stuffed animal from the claw machine. Life was good.
We continued on our way to Daniel's park where we took about a bajillion misc. pictures of us doing different stupid things. I felt like a little kid.
From Daniel's we went to Steph's house and did some more talking.
Tonight was just what I needed: no Steve, my friends, lots of laughing, and lots of pictures.
And when I had this realization, it stemmed another realization: I hate girls who constantly think they're unattractive. They're the, "I'm so fat..." "I look like a whale..." "I have man shoulders..." "My face is all zitty..." girls...They need to grow up and grow out of it. If they don't like something, they should change it because complaining about it just makes them pathetic.
Actually, I find girls like that pathetic regardless. You're as attractive as you feel...And no, you don't need a male companion to make you feel attractive. I know I feel the most confident and adorable when I'm with my besties. God I hate those girls who are constantly seeking male approval so much so that they jump from one guy to the next because they think that if they're single, they must be unattractive. Its ridiculous. You, your friends, and family can all easily make you feel unique, wanted, and attractive just the way a man could make you feel. YOU most importantly. Duh.
Talk about damaged pysche.
And now I step off my soap-box.
So I signed up for Twitter today...I don't get it. I want to add it to all my little things, like Facebook and LJ, but its just not working. I mean, honestly, you all so totally want to see my every random thought popping up in a pink screen. Of course.
My tummy is grumbling. Its time I get to making that French Toast Erica mentioned the other night.. Speaking of Errca...I met her bf's mom last night. We're all good friends and when Erica and AJ got together...finally...I was stoked. But me and AJ have been friends for a good while and I haven't met his mom...until last night. I think I love her like a phat kyd luvs cake. She's this spunky little Italian woman who made me a meatball sub and made AJ give me a massive bowl of ice cream. Life was good last night. =DD
Oh, and guess who the next person to catch The Bug is? Poor Steve. I called him on my break at work. His answer was a pathetic, "Mmrrmmgph."
Two periods at school.
Nice weather.
A walk.
A jaunt to The Maxx w/o having to work.
Just the right amount of Steve.
Sushi.
A new purse.
Seeing Rachel at the mall...my luve.
Going to Tyler's birthday party.
Getting hit on by two guys at that party.
Getting a dollar for French fries and a condom from one of the above mentioned guys.
Talking to Megan on my way to get those French fries after the party.
Coming home content with the day.
Ahhh. This must be contentedness?
Syndicate
